once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
