My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
