I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
