I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
