I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
