guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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