Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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