You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
my liver is dry heaving
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
