And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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