I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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