If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
