Jerry, you need to find god
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
