She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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