girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
