Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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