Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
