at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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