I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
