Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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