doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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