Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my being single is dangerous.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
