Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
