areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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