every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
