bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
