Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize