And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
