Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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