Your face is a jimmy john
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
