Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
