Having a random hookup so left but love u
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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