Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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