just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
