I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
