You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize