in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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