I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
