Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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