Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
