wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
