shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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