some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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