I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i was born a porn star she said
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
