You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
