5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
