i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
