Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
