If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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