i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
