Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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