matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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