I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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