In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
