We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
