You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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