omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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