im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
