Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
