so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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