I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
