She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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