a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
