question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
