Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
