My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
