Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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