I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Mom said you looked used
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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