How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
