Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize